On May 13, 2019, I became a mother. I will never forget when our baby girl Maia was delivered. What I remember the most vividly was the warmth and softness of her small body as the nurse handed her to me. I remember when Maia came out and her cries sounded like small quiet meows I thought were so cute right off the bat and when she was handed to me, she stopped crying and with her bright eyes wide open, she looked around at her new world. At that moment I was overcome with a rush of overflowing love and joy and just like that, I fell in love.

I had always thought and suspected that I might not feel that love and joy for my baby right away, which is normal and common. But I felt so much love and joy right away and pretty sure I was on a high for weeks after that and maybe still am.

Maia, I can’t wait for you to reveal your inner spirit and personality to me. I will strive to give you the space to explore and develop in the person you want to be and not impose what I think you should be or want you to be. I believe in you and know you are fully capable of making your own path. I hope you learn to follow your gut and intuition and remember life isn’t about external success or prestige.

I will love you unconditionally and always be your constant and your safe place when you inevitably have moments where life doesn’t go your way. I will show you that you are way more resilient than you think and show you how to get up and try again, as many times as you need to do so.

And as for me, I will live my own life in a way that would make you proud of me too.

And for now, I will treasure each and every one of your coos and the way you smile back at me with your toothless grin. I will treasure the milky smell of you, your soft hair fluff and grandpa-esqe receding hairline. I even treasure the curdled milk that is constantly in the folds of your chunky neck rolls. I will be forever grateful for the time we have together now.