This is the story of my spiritual awakening journey and how I began to shift to living a more meaningful and intentional life.
The backstory
Ever since I can really remember, even as a kid, I always felt a sense of being disconnected somehow. There was always a sense of emptiness lingering in the background. My entire mindset growing up was that I had to accomplish XYZ and THEN I would be happy. I was always just trying to “get through” each moment or event, always living for the future.
In high school, I remember my best friend and I would often say to each other “Life sucks then you die.” That was our motto because even back then, we felt that sense of emptiness and meaninglessness of life lingering in the background, but didn’t know why or what to do to make it better.
Fast forward to when I graduated college, having completed a degree in the most practical and safe major in all the world (Accounting). I got a job after graduation with a Big 4 accounting firm and I worked there for more than four years and I got my CPA license. During those four years, from an outsider’s perspective, I achieved a lot, but I was also intensely unhappy. I felt like I was living someone else’s life. But in my mind, I thought… well, this is what everyone told me I was supposed to do up until this point in life.
But then why…. why did I still feel empty inside and more unfulfilled than ever before?
The catalyst for Awakening
The catalyst for my spiritual awakening for me was actually a book. Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. It’s a heavy hitter in the spiritual world. Think Oprah-big. And when I read it, something clicked. I couldn’t put it down and felt so much relief in finally finding something that made sense of all the inner chaos within me and in my mind. The truth of those words in that book struck something deep in my heart. It was like an inner salve for my tired and depleted soul. The truth that spoke to me from the book was this:
I am not my thoughts. I am not the identity that the external world has labeled me with, but rather I am part of the divine universal spirit that is in all of us and everything. And I can only get in touch with my true self and spirit through stillness. Freedom and joy come from a life lived “in the now” because there is only ever the present moment.. I felt such a great sense of RELIEF knowing that I am more than just my external identity.
The ongoing back and forth
I read Eckhart Tolle’s book back in 2012. From there, I wish I could say that my path to awakening was straight-forward and linear, but it wasn’t. In fact, shortly after I finished reading, I went straight back to my old ways. Nothing changed internally or externally. I fell right back “asleep”, identifying with my thoughts and looking to external things for fulfillment. I would say I went back to living life as if nothing changed for a few YEARS.
It took a lot of time for the intellectual knowledge that I got from A New Earth to actually start integrating more and more into my life. I knew inside that I desperately wanted to align my life with this new state of consciousness, but the strength of the pull of the ego is intensely strong and somehow it felt like I just couldn’t STAY AWAKE.
I was slowly shedding the beliefs I had held onto so tightly before, beliefs which I had built my entire life upon up until this point, yet I was also not ready or able to manifest fully in a new way. It was a confusing stage where I felt completely lost. No longer the old, but not yet the new. Some people call this stage the “dark night of the soul“.
Where I am now
Now, it’s 2018 and I’m still working to integrate this new state of consciousness even more into my life. I want to live intentionally, be more fully present. Make choices based on intuition. Feel gratitude and compassion in each moment. Awaken to my life’s true purpose. It’s not easy, but I’m making progress.
And that’s where this blog comes in. I want to use this space to connect with my soul, my true self and to document all the inner work I’ve been doing. My hope is that sharing my journey will also help anyone else out there going through their own awakening journey.
I can’t wait to connect with all of you out there who resonate with my story. We each have a different path and I’m hoping out here on the internet I can find my SPIRITUAL TRIBE. My tribe who want to connect deeper to life, who want to experience the joy and peace that comes when you live with gratitude and presence and intention. Any of you out there?
My mission now
TO STAY AWAKE. To let go of all the things that no longer serve me. To let my inner light shine bright.
Follow along on here on my journey to staying awake and manifesting my best life. I hope it will inspire those of you on your own spiritual awakening journey to live more in alignment with your own true spirit. Thank you for listening and thank you for being here. Sending you love, peace and courage on your own spiritual awakening journey!